Hope inspiring, transformational healing from despair to habitual happiness.
Having struggled with undiagnosed depression since my teenage years, I hit the darkest period in my early fifties when suicide often seemed the only solution to salve my pain. I was what you may call a high-functioning depressive. In spite of my outward achievements, unless you were a confidante in my innermost circle, you had no idea the intense anguish, emptiness, and hopelessness haunting me.
Through my quest to fill the void, I dove deeply into the dark abyss and discovered a little light. Polishing through periodic practice, it began to shine more brightly. Over time, I was transformed and healed. That light had been inside me the whole time, but depression had darkened it to indiscernible.
Whirlpool of pain, despair I share.
For your own gain, I bring you there.
Sucked me down, but will lift you up—
The gifts uncovered, when unstuck.
Maelstrom drew me time and again;
Me, myself, and I weren't as friend.
A shadow plagued my destiny,
Before sunlit divinity.
Hear my story, treasure I found.
As it unfolds, soul almost drowned.
Reveal my grief, the guilt and shame,
unwinding as I blend my name.
Listen as I share of rebirth—
meaning and passion's soulful mirth.
Lure you in then lighten your load;
A wealth inside worth more than gold.
Precious self-love and purpose too.
Join in this journey to renew.
"Elizabeth Onyeabor's raw emotion and honest account of her struggle with depression and her journey out of the shadows is reminiscent of Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar.
The narrative of her descent into depression, the uncovering of her childhood ghosts and her inner healing all dovetail into one sublime tale of a woman reborn into the light. Ms. Onyeabor's story is beautifully accented by her deeply moving poems.
Truly a one-of-a-kind memoir from a wonderful writer."
— Barbara Bras, #1 Amazon Bestselling Author of Wrapped in God's Grace, a Life Rediscovered and She Who Knows, a Tale of the Heart
Chapter Excerpts
I rest in the circle of light in the crimson sandstone cavern of my thoughts. The warm, radiant beams are invigorating to my body and soul. I want them to wash over me and give me the inspiration that I know brims within. In this brilliant cave of my thought, I feel the sparkling rays twirl over me, giving my soul the opportunity to dance in the radiance after my long, gloomy period of darkness—one from which I believed I never wanted to leave alive. This light-and-dark dance entwining within me is what I tell you about now.
Maybe it resonates with the light and dark reverberating in your own soul. For me, it just is, and I can’t contain it in only my mind any longer. My heart guides me to share this painful journey. My eyes well with the tears I weep in joy and sorrow as I tell you the story of how my soul nearly died.
When I am Gone
When I am gone
only those who loved
will remember
and cherish the memory
when I am gone
No more will I be
ruminating about past failures
No more will I be
fearing a disappointing future
And no more will I be
at all
except in remembrance
Some would say
I will be
in perfectness too
but no one
can say for sure
that there will be
anything at all
It is belief disguised as certainty
in some sort of life hereafter
I am under no such illusion
And no more will I be
when I am gone
Welcome to my tale of transformation
Unwinding depression is not a neat process, but I guide you along my path as I walked it. Most of all, I offer you hope. As tormented and hopeless as I was, I am now healed.
You can heal, too.
You will discover what I uncovered about myself in the way it progressed for me. My journey was not chronologically linear. Neither is this book. I describe my struggle from 2012 to 2015, weaving intensity with insight.
To paraphrase a sentiment, if all the world’s a stage and our lives are plays, we compare our rough rehearsals to others’ polished performances. Through vignettes and verse, I draw back my curtain to spotlight backstage feelings, thoughts, and perspectives. I reenact adulthood and childhood sketches from memory and notes.
I share journal excerpts. Although condensed and corrected for clarity, these private thoughts are otherwise unedited, never imagining future publication. In the depths of my anguish, I use a few expletives. Thank you for understanding.
Discretion directs me to keep confidential certain actions from behind-the-scenes. However, I show you how I processed them so they no longer shroud me in guilt and shame. I also change a few names and other details to maintain privacy or anonymity.
After the epilogue, I include a section summarizing key points, offering suggestions, and posing questions for you to contemplate on your own journey of self-discovery. Also, consider writing down how you feel whenever a part of my story triggers deep emotion. Answer any questions I posed to myself that also resonate with you. Most importantly, write how you feel, however you feel. Writing about emotions is a cathartic, healing release.
As you expose wounds so they finally begin to heal, don’t try to mend everything by yourself. You will need other people’s resources and support. Go to the people you feel safe with. There may be different people for different issues. There are also support groups and crisis centers in many countries (worldwide listings are available at sites such as www.iasp.info). Perhaps there are resources where you live. Maybe you will start a support group yourself.
If you feel overwhelmed or suicidal, reach out to a prevention hotline, crisis center, coach, counselor, therapist, or someone you love for help.
You are already enough. One day, you will know this, too.
There were a few bright spots among my dark periods. I journaled I wanted to feel bliss and be present in the moment. Sometimes, my wish came true.
"It was about forty-five minutes to one hour by boat. On the way back, I felt so in the moment— perfectly peaceful and happy. Wishing I could feel like that always.
The area we traveled through is a natural lake that extends between the strip of land bordering the sea and the mainland. So much unspoiled beauty in coconut and palm trees. The wind raced against my face, cooling my touch of sunburn.
I felt like a dog peering over the boat’s windshield as the sun set behind us. Maybe it was the nature. Maybe it was the few glasses of wine. Maybe it was both. I want to fully embrace and capture that moment of pure, lasting pleasure."
Bliss
The sun hangs low in the sky,
Faint spray of water mists the bow,
Wind rushing past me and my guy.
I don't know why or how,
In this moment,
I embrace the present;
I feel bliss.
The past is not haunting,
Nor the future daunting.
In this moment,
Is only the present.
I drink the air deeply and hold
Onto this standstill in time.
Rays kiss from the orb of gold,
Nature's gift so sublime.
In this moment,
I have a present.
I feel bliss.
About the Author
Deeply drawn to ignite the inner light of passion and purpose in others, author Elizabeth Onyeabor, in her debut book, shares the inspirational story of how she struggled with and healed her own suicidal depression, finally uncovering a gift of lasting self-love.
Having transitioned from more than two decades of leadership roles, orchestrating organizational changes and shepherding personal development, she serves as a valued advisor in her flourishing consulting and coaching practice. Her insights and expertise blaze brightest when guiding individual and corporate clients along the path of their transformational journeys.
A transplant from sunny Arizona, Elizabeth basks in the shimmering sub-Saharan sun, thriving in tropical Nigeria with her husband.
"From the Shadows chronicles a life journey through shadows into the light of self-realization. Like Virgil leading Dante through the Inferno, Elizabeth Onyeabor gently guides the reader through the darkest recesses of her depression. It is an unflinching and honest narrative interwoven with Onyeabor’s poetic meditations.
Her compassion shines through, even in the odyssey's most dire moments. Onyeabor’s outstretched hand reaches out to the reader as if to say, 'Come, do not be afraid.' This memoir brings up deep questions and emotions that will enrich anyone who has contemplated what it means to be human."
— Curt Fukuda, Author
I turn my attention to an early childhood memory my conscious mind has never before allowed to surface.
My heart pounds in my constricted throat. My breathing shallows. I swallow hard the acrid spittle and plummet into palpable fear as I pierce nearly five decades of psychological protection. I peer into my mind's grimmest gloom, ready to exhume the ghoul, and brace for Beth’s bombshell.
See chapter excerpts below
"From the Shadows: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Renewal by Elizabeth Onyeabor is a gripping and uplifting book. I read it through at one sitting because I couldn't stop reading. The book is soul-baring. It is real, and it is powerful. Elizabeth has told her story with honesty and openness. I found the book inspiring. It is a story of healing. It is a success story.
We are left with complete admiration for Elizabeth's courage in confronting the past and in finding answers to her problems. I loved the combination of poetry and text. I was amazed at the way the story flowed in and out of her life. Elizabeth shows rare understanding of herself. We end the book with a sense of Elizabeth's achievements and the triumph of the spirit over adversity."
- Professor Rina Okonkwo, Godfrey Okoye University
